Characteristics of A Healthy Friendship: Part 1

This past year, God has done a lot in my life! All has been good, and He has proven Himself faithful. One of these areas has been in the matter of friendships—He freed me from an emotionally abusive one, and brought several new wonderful people to my life—at the exact time I needed them.

He has also been helping me heal from the emotional abuse I experienced, and one of the ways He led me to promote healing was through researching what a healthy, Biblical friendship really is. Thus, today’s post: Friendships, and specifically, Biblical characteristics of a healthy one. These characteristics can be use to write healthy friendships, as well as evaluating the friendships you have in your life and how you yourself are as a friend.

So today’s post will be focusing on five characteristics of what the Bible says a good friend has. Next week, I will post the last five.

Characteristics of a Good Friend

A quick search on Google for characteristics of a good friend will bring you traits like:

• Honesty
• Empathetic
• Dependable
• A good listener
• Nonjudgmental
• Encouraging
• Humorous
• Kind
• Accepting
• Loyal
• Fun to be around

And these traits do sound good to an emotional and logical mind–and many of them are. But more important than what the world thinks are traits of a good friend is what God thinks. And God has much to say on the subject of friendships and characteristics of a truly good friend.

So what are some characteristics God’s Word says a good friend has?

• Love

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (Proverbs 17:17)

This one is the number one characteristic listed in the Bible for a true friend–conspicuously absent from the above list grabbed off Google. However, many of the characteristics listed there are attributes of love. Here are eleven characteristics of love listed in what’s known as The Love Chapter, 1 Corinthians 13

1. Patient and Kind (v.4)
2. Does not Envy (v.4)
3. Is not Boastful or Proud (v.4)
4. Is not Rude (v.5)
5. Doesn’t Demand it’s Own Way (v.5)
6. Is not Irritable (v.5)
7. Doesn’t Keep a Record of Wrong (v.5)
8. Rejoices in Truth, not Injustice (v.6)
9. Never Gives Up or Loses Faith (v.7)
10. Hopeful (v.7)
11. Endures Through Every Circumstance (v.7)

Therefore the character traits of Honesty (#7), Empathy (#1), Dependable (#9 and 11), and Loyal (also #9 and 11) are all traits to look for in a good friend.

There are other verses that show other characteristics of love. One is that a good friend does not bring up the past wrongs or offenses against them done by their friend (Proverbs 17:9 Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.) And another classic one is that a friend is selfless. (John 15:13, Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.)

Jesus is the best example of a True Friend we as Christians have.

Example in Media

A Tale of Two Cities – In one of Dickens’s most notable works, we have the greatest act of love and loyalty shown by the character of Sydney Carton. Sydney Carton had the fortunate/unfortunate fate to look exactly like Charles Darnay, and to be “lesser” than him in the eyes of almost everyone in the book. He was a drunkard, while Charles was a gentleman, Charles had a nice disposition while he suffered with depression, and they both loved the same woman but Charles married her, among other things. Yet despite all of this comparison, Sydney remains a loyal friend–so loyal, in fact, that he lays down his life to save Charles.

• Encourage and Strengthen Each Other in the Lord

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

A good friend will encourage and build their friend in the Lord. They do not exist to “have fun with”, although that is a perk to having a good friend. But the true reason of a good friendship according to the Word is to encourage and build each other up in the Lord. (Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.)

Unfortunately, there are a lot more people in the world, even among Christians, who lead Christians not to Christ, but from Him. Thus why it is so important Christians choose friends carefully. (Proverbs 12:26 The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.)

Example in Media

Sir Malcolm and the Missing Prince – In this story, Hugh, a spoiled prince forced to live life as a commoner to teach him to value everyone, not just nobility. There, he’s befriended by a boy named Denny, who, despite Hugh’s spoiled ways, sticks with him, is patient with him as he’s learning things the others have long since mastered, and encourages him to do right. You can read my full review of the story here.

• Forgiving and Willing to Bear With One Another

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Colossians 3:13)

A good friend is always willing to forgive, just as Jesus did. That doesn’t mean a friend should let another run all over them or manipulate them into always apologizing for things even when they did nothing wrong–that is a toxic relationship and something I am healing from myself. When Jesus forgives us, He requires change. So sometimes even if we forgive, we need to put up boundaries. Other times, it’s clear the other party is truly repentant and has changed or just had a bad day.

Regardless of the reason, a good friend forgives and bears with their friend’s weaknesses just as Christ does us.

Example in Media

Big Hero 6 – Hiro and his friends are a great example of friends forgiving each other. They support him even when he’s withdrawing because of Tadashi’s death, and are patient with him. When Hiro feels betrayed by them and abandon them, they still forgive him, and never lose faith in him (especially Baymax, who I also consider one of Hiro’s friends). And they all rejoice in doing what’s right, to the point that Hiro chooses not to take vengeance even when he can.

• Doesn’t Talk About Friends Behind Their Backs

A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends. (Proverbs 16:28)

This is especially common among mutual friends or acquaintances, but a good friend will not talk about their friends when they are not present. Saying positive things about them is one thing, but even then, the positives can be considered gossip. A good friend will not say anything behind their friend’s back that they can’t say to their face. Chances are, gossip will get back to the other friend, and it does have devastating consequences.

Example in Media

The Princess Game – In Melanie Cellier’s retelling of Sleeping Beauty, the main characters all believe the woman who cursed Princess Celeste, her aunt Melisande, is the perpetrator of the rebellion brewing beneath the surface. The fact that they spread these rumors and believe them without ever actually confronting the woman until the very end allows the true villain to almost succeed with his plan and create a rebellion.

• Reliable

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24)

A good friend is loyal and reliable–and Jesus is that Ultimate Friend. But as Christians, we should be like Christ in being loyal and reliable with our friends. This means a true friend doesn’t change when they get a new friend, abandoning the old ones. They don’t ghost their friends for six months and suddenly reappear wanting things to go back to the way they were, using the excuse they suffered with depression or were too busy with school or life. Friendships take mutual work and priority, and a good friend should be willing to put time and effort into being a reliable and loyal friend.

Remember the Golden Rule. Despite how you feel, remember to treat others the way you’d want to be treated (Matthew 7:12).

Example in Media

Star Wars 6: Return of the Jedi – In this epic film, we see a great example of reliability and trust among friends. The Rebel Alliance has two groups, one, the space group, headed by Lando Calrissian, and the ground force headed by Han Solo. Han Solo is tasked with shutting down the shield protecting the second Death Star on the moon of Endor, and once that is down, Lando’s force is to destroy the enemy space station. However, Han Solo’s group runs into some issues, and the shield is not down at the time it’s supposed to be. The higher-ups tell Lando to call the attack off, but Lando trusts in Han, that he will succeed in his mission. And they do, of course, allowing for the destruction of the empire and second Death Star.

---

Next week, I will be covering the last five main characteristics of a healthy friendship I found in God’s Word! Obviously, this is by no means an extensive list of rules or a formula for being a good friend. If someone is truly following the Lord, He will reveal to them how they can improve and where they are strong, and a friend like that will be good. Always remember to follow the Lord and His Word in everything, both in real life, and in your writing!

Do you know of any other Scriptures that support these Biblical characteristics? Are there any other examples in media you know that portray these well? If you’re a writer, do you have a friendship in your writing? Is it a healthy or toxic one? Is there a scene showing (or not showing) one of these characteristics above? Feel free to paste it in the comments! God bless! ~ Kay Adelin