Characteristics of A Healthy Friendship: Part 2

I apologize for the lateness of this post. Several things came up at the last minute and this post got lost in the mix of everything else. But better late than never, am I right?

A couple weeks ago, I covered the characteristics of Love, Encouraging and Strengthening Each Other in the Lord, Forgiving and Bearing With One Another, Not Talking About Friends Behind Their Backs, and Reliable.

Today’s post covers the last five characteristics a good friend will have, which will help form a healthy friendship. Similar to Part 1, there will be examples of each characteristic in media.

• Gives Heartfelt Advice

Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. (Proverbs 27:5-6)

This goes against the world’s interpretation of a friend being a nonjudgmental and accepting person. While as Christians we are called not to judge people’s motives and hearts, we are called to judge people by their fruit (Matthew 7:16-20; 2 Corinthians 11:13-15 among others). 

We are also called to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) and if a Christian friend sees another Christian friend going the wrong way, it is love which should prompt them to gently advise them against it. And a good friend will at least listen to and know that their friend, if they are Godly, only have their best interest at heart. (Proverbs 19:20 Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise. Proverbs 27:9 Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.) 

However, if a friend chooses to reject one’s advice, a good friend will not push it, nor will they judge their heart. After all, then it is between their friend and God what they choose to do. 

Example in Media

Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith – Yes, we have yet another Star Wars example, but this one is a prequel one, so that makes it different, right? In this show, multiple times, we see Anakin receive rebukes from those who care about him, Obi-Wan, Yoda, and even Mace Windu. And yet he falls for the kisses of the enemy, Palpatine.

• A Cool-Tempered Person

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared. (Proverbs 22:24-25)

A hot-tempered person brings with them a slew of problems. Often, they are immature and unfortunately take out their emotions on their friends. And according to this verse, a hot-tempered person usually passes their weakness onto others. 

According to a quick search on Google, these are five characteristics associated with a hot-tempered person:

1. Easily Irritated, Offended, and Defensive
2. Unpredictable 
3. Emotional Explosions (Usually Without Warning)
4. Physical Reactions (Such as a Flushed Face or Clenched Jaw)
5. Verbal Outbursts

The Bible talks against almost all of these characteristics at one time or another–and if you notice, these are all opposite traits of Biblical love. A friend like this, even a Christian one, is bound to bring with them trouble, so one must be very careful around them, to avoid ending up like them.

Example in Media

The Knight Captain is the New Princess to Be Vol. 2 – In this manga, the main character, the knight Lady Chris, is training to be a suitable bride for her best friend, the prince, Leo. At this special school, she is bullied constantly by ladies who also have their hearts set on being Leo’s bride. Despite being tempted several times, Lady Chris does not lose her temper at their petty jokes, but takes them all with a degree of self control, not wanting to shame Leo, who chose her as his bride.

• A Wise Person

Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. (Proverbs 13:20)

What are characteristics of a wise man? Being the book most known for wisdom in the Bible, here is what Proverbs says about their characteristics.

• They do not trust (aka, follow) their heart (Proverbs 3:5-7; 28:26)
• They value Scripture above anything the world offers (Proverbs 2:3, 10:23, 23:23)
• They consult the Lord for wisdom, not the world (Proverbs 2:6, 20:24)
• They know Scripture (Proverbs 2:1,5)
• They listen to and obey Biblical Wisdom (Proverbs 1:8, 8:33, 23:12)
• They carefully consider all decisions (Proverbs 13:16, 14:8,15, 19:2)
• They spiritually discern right and wrong (Proverbs 28:5,11, 29:7)
• They know the world is empty and true fulfillment comes through the Lord (Proverbs 3:13-15)
• They are constantly gathering new wisdom and knowledge, and aren’t content with spiritual immaturity (Proverbs 1:22, 2:7,10, 8:12, 14:6)
• They are careful with their words (Proverbs 10:19, 12:23, 15:7, 17:28, 29:20)
• Their words spiritually refresh others (Proverbs 10:13,31, 12:25, 20:15, 31:26)
• They are not proud, but humble (Proverbs 11:2, 15:33, 27:2)
• They fear the Lord and want His approval over man’s (Proverbs 1:7, 2:5, 9:10, 15:33, 29:25)
• They welcome discipline and correction gladly (Proverbs 12:1, 13:1, 15:5,32, 17:10, 19:20,25,27)
• They are teachable (Proverbs 1:5, 9:8-9, 13:10)
• They seek friendships which will spiritually challenge them (Proverbs 27:5-6,17)
• Likewise, they are quick to forsake spiritually unhealthy friendships (Proverbs 1:10-11,15, 14:7, 28:7, 29:3)
• They focus on the truth and wisdom, not foolish things (Proverbs 15:14)
• They restrain their anger (Proverbs 17:27, 29:11)
• They faithfully endure trials (Proverbs 28:2)
• They are often identified by their strong convictions (Proverbs 24:5)
• They have found salvation in Christ (Proverbs 24:14)

Likewise, here are several attributes of fools Proverbs gives.

• Fools hate knowledge (Proverbs 1:7,22, 9:7, 15:5)
• Fools do not control their mouths (Proverbs 10:8,14,18, 12:16, 15:2,14, 18:2,6-7)
• Fools die for lack of sense (Proverbs 1:31, 10:10)
• They find pleasure in evil (Proverbs 10:23, 14:16)
• Their hearts are full of folly (Proverbs 14:24, 15:7)
• They are proud (Proverbs 1:7, 14:3)
• They are mockers of wisdom (Proverbs 14:9, 23:9)
• They are hot-tempered (Proverbs 14:17,29 29:9,11,)
• They hate discipline and correction (Proverbs 1:7, 23:9)
• They are quick to get into strife (Proverbs 20:3, 26:17)
• They trust in themselves (Proverbs 14:12, 28:26)

There are several other characteristics of both kinds of people throughout the Bible, but you can see where a much better and healthier friend to have is a wise friend, especially as a Christian.

Example in Media

Pilgrim’s Progress – In this epic allegory, the main character, Christian, is accompanied by two friends at different times on his journey, Faithful and Hopeful. These three are great friends and all are wise at different times in their journey. They portray many of the above-mentioned characteristics of a wise men, including faithfully enduring trials, constantly gathering new wisdom and knowledge, and quick to forsake spiritually unhealthy friendships and people.

• Kind, Compassionate, and Patient

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. (Colossians 3:12)

Again, these characteristics are all characteristics of love mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13. A truly good friend will be compassionate and kind in what they say and do, especially when communicating advice or the truth. They will also be humble, not a stuck up know-it-all who refuses advice, and they will be gentle and patient with their friends when they make mistakes. A good, Godly friendship can be one of the most valuable things in the world, as Solomon stated in Ecclesiastes 4:10, “If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”

Example in Media

Cinderella – One of the classics, the fairytale character of Cinderella is a perfect example of someone who is kind, compassionate, and patient. Cinderella, despite her mistreatment at the hands of her stepmother and two stepsisters, is consistently kind, compassionate, and patient with them. She never gives up dreaming her life will change, and never complains or talks bad about her step-family, even when she has a huge right to. In the Charles Perrault version of the tale, she goes a step further, lavishing her two step-sisters with gifts and attention at the ball while in disguise, and at the end, arranging lovely marriages with noblemen for them.

• A Godly Person

You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. (James 4:4)

Finally, a truly healthy friend will be one who is serving God wholeheartedly. One may not be perfect, but he or she will embody most of the characteristics listed above, or be improving in their weak areas by the power of the Holy Spirit. They may not be the most popular person around. They will speak the truth–which may hurt at times–in love, wanting to help their friends. They will be patient and forgiving, reliable and wise. Most of all, they will be humble, seeking after the Lord and eager to grow in their relationship with Him through their relationship with their Godly friend. 

After all, the main point of a Biblical friendship is not to have a good time, but to sharpen, encourage, and help each other grow in the Lord.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

Example in Media

Le Morte d’Arthur – In this epic, one of the most well-known characters is Sir Galahad, Sir Lancelot’s son and hero of the Grail Quest. Consistently throughout the Grail Quest, Galahad is always seeking after the Lord. He encourages his friends several times to do the same, and is always listening to advice, seeking out churches and chapels to pray. Perhaps most importantly, despite his position as the Grail Hero and the only one to sit in the Siege Perilous, he remains humble. And at the very end of his life, he tells his father to focus on the Lord, not on the things of this earth. But unfortunately for Camelot, Lancelot does not listen to his son, bringing the Round Table to its dramatic end.

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As many people probably know, truly good friends are hard to come by, and even more so when you’re a Christian, like me. On top of that, we see so many toxic relationships in our entertainment today, and even experience them ourselves, that sometimes we lose sight of what a healthy relationship looks like.

But all we need to do is look to the Bible for the answers, and know if someone is truly following the Lord, He will reveal to them how they can improve and where they are strong, and if they obey Him, they will be a good friend. We ourselves should also be seeking the Lord, and seeing what He is communicating to us to improve upon in our relationships.

Which of these characteristics is most important to you? What media examples do you know that portray a friendship with one of these elements? Let me know in the comments below! Thanks for reading and God Bless! ~ Kay Adelin